Sometimes I just sit back, and wish I was someone else, living another life. I just feel that I can't take any more. I have tried so hard to understand, to accept, to agree, and to move on from the pain, but it's like a great weight, pulling me back, holding me down, and engulfing me.
I sometimes wonder what the point is in trying to sort things out, given that I have to fight tooth and nailsometimes to be heard. It would be so easy to run away to disappear to not be seen from, or heard from again. Deep down I know I won't be missed; Deep down I know that I didn't matter.
Sometimes I think that life is getting better, and yet there is this gaping wound that is not healing; I don't know how to face it, but I know that I will be facing it alone.
I sometimes wonder where my friends are? and what happened to all the people I have know and loved? I sometimes wonder why they are gone from my life...and if it was my fault.
Sometimes I just wonder if I think to much... if I'm caught in a cycle of self reflection that ultimately has trapped me into feeling self loathing, and self doubt.
I sometimes wonder if I have ever loved at all? or did I just pretend so that I could feel love; Maybe I don't have the capacity to love or be loved.
Sometimes I wonder if I will smile and laugh again... If my spirit will fly free and soar, or will I spend the rest of my days alone, trapped in an isolated self-created prison, to which I no longer have the key or the understanding to escape.
I sometimes just wonder why, but know that the road leads to madness and insanity. Still, they are better company than loneliness. They are much better company than fear.
Sometimes I wonder if it's all a dream. and if one day I will wake up and find out that I am someone else, and that I have another life. The truth is sometimes just too painful to bear.
I sometimes wonder what happened to the dreams I had, and the future I once wanted. I wonder what happened to the life I once had. Sometimes I think I must have dropped it along the way, or put it down somewhere and forgot about it.
Sometimes I wonder why I believe that things will get better... when the reality is that belief is fleeting. What I want, what I need is a moment that I can believe in, that I can hold on to, and worship when the darknesscomes.
I sometimes just wander and try to loose myself in a memory, anything to escape the dreadful certainty that my time has gone past, and that I missed the sign pointing me to the right way.
And sometimes, just sometimes I believe that tomorrow just might be a better day.
