♥ - "I Hate It..." - ♥

I hate
that I cannot cry 

when i want
i hate that I cry
when I should not
I wish i had
some semblance of control
over my emotions
But unfortunately, they control me..
they control me.

they beat me when I am down,
they hit me when I cannot handle them;
so I try to run from them,
I try to hide them,
to push them away...

I wish i knew another way
to do this,
how can i teach myself
to show my emotions
after so long...

 I made choices
not to feel
I made choices
to hide
I made choices
to cry
I made choices
that have led to a solace
which controls my life...

it controls each step I take
for everything I involve myself in
i have to take into consideration
my weaknesses...